“...I find myself unworthy of thy sight...”
Rain had begun its humble whispering outside while we, still fixed, in wait of something, gazed at one another. Would she speak, I didn’t know and she didn’t seem to want to. Someway in a state of drowse I helped myself to blunting the awkwardness of the situation and felt at ease.
“Today...” Loretta spoke quietly as if she wanted to meld her voice into the soft sound of rain. The shy mimosa, if you touch its leaves...
“Today, what you... and I”
So she reminded me of the vibrant and flickering lights, the dusty air and the golden sun, which had arisen from the grey morn and disappeared in a sea of red in the evening. But Loretta just kept on looking and so my mind couldn’t help but wander. I thought that if I had died right there on the spot, never to see another day again, that day would have been the most luminous day of my life. Why, I didn’t know. If I had died right then and there all would have been perfect. I knew it, even though I didn’t understand everything - so much had happened. But, no, I didn’t want to die. I was interested. I wanted to know and see more of everything.
Loretta had taken hold of my hand without me noticing it, my mind was so astray. Her eyes demanded an answer and god knows I ought to have given her one. Yet I did not, for I simply didn’t want to close what was open. I needed time to think and I actually wished she hadn’t come. Not then at least, but another day maybe. She deserved better, didn’t she? Where had all my sympathy gone?
“Good night, Loretta.”
I closed my eyes and relaxed. Even though sleep didn’t come to me, my eyes were relieved and my mind as well. I would deal with everything in due time, she understood that. We’d talk about everything tomorrow, wouldn’t we? Perhaps we wouldn’t after all? Loretta didn’t leave right away, which was comforting, but stayed for a while and left quietly a little later. The door closed behind her thus sealing the day, putting, as far as I was concerned, an end to a story with a conclusion.
I was wrong, however, for the day was far from over. Perhaps I shouldn’t have opened my eyes again?
To be continued...
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