I have no idea where I'll be ten years from now or even where I'd want to be. I have no expectations, no hopes and really no dreams. But I know what I like and this is what leads me. I'm not the type of person who lives a day at a time, but a year at a time seems to be quite enough for me. Furthermore, I really do not think my life is one of great value. Actually, its worthless as any other life around. I've actually given more thought to my death than I have to my life - not that I'm afraid of it or thinking about afterlife. I just want to die a stylish death...
Not that it really matters but as I've sought beauty in life I will do in death as well.
Liars are always looked down upon are they not? Some lies however are needed in order to maintain order and peace. Be it an elaborate diplomatic solution, a beautiful untruth, or a simple subterfuge - some people just need to be lied to.
Of course I prefer telling the truth and try to make sure I get truth in return, but if I roamed around speaking my mind all the time then I'd be the Antichrist or something. One's got to have tact and discretion after all...
But there is also some weird delight in avoiding that silly mincing of words. Being shockingly honest about some of my thoughts has lead to many fun conversations or deeds.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
As for friendship & Ever changing ways
Many people have actually developed more elaborate standards for deciding whether to call someone a friend or just an acquaintance. Luckily these means of decision-making go beyond the sadly common way of treating most of one's contemporaries as somewhat equally trusted interlocutors. But then there are also the good friends and the best friends. Oh, how misused these adjectives are... Maybe too many have succumbed to the American standards of empty talking. "I'll call you" means "It was nice, but don't bother me again" and "We must have lunch some day" means "You are really quite interesting, but still don't bother me again."
In any case, no one should have more than two or three good friends at the most. It is not so much about having sublime standards as it is about having a good sense of whom to call a friend. And thus I can say that I have but two friends and no supreme best friend at the current point in time. But there are some entertainers - the ones who amuse me, whom I don't care about, whom I can do what I want with.
I wonder what my utterances and produced sounds sounded like if I didn't pay any attention to them. Remembering sounds and tones is really easy for me and I also like to monitor changes and variations of the latter. The tone we use for speaking changes a lot actually, as does the way we laugh, or the way we position our hands. Changes occur over time and are triggered by environmental, social, and other kinds of variables. Often a single isolated situation might affect some habits of sound production in an instant - like being made fun of for laughing like a donkey. Yet most commonly or generally rather the changes can be classified as being age-related. So have you paid any attention to that? Do you practice speaking so as to choose a pitch or a timbre you like? If not, then try it. And give some thought to the vocabulary you use because speaking beautifully matters a lot...
In any case, no one should have more than two or three good friends at the most. It is not so much about having sublime standards as it is about having a good sense of whom to call a friend. And thus I can say that I have but two friends and no supreme best friend at the current point in time. But there are some entertainers - the ones who amuse me, whom I don't care about, whom I can do what I want with.
I wonder what my utterances and produced sounds sounded like if I didn't pay any attention to them. Remembering sounds and tones is really easy for me and I also like to monitor changes and variations of the latter. The tone we use for speaking changes a lot actually, as does the way we laugh, or the way we position our hands. Changes occur over time and are triggered by environmental, social, and other kinds of variables. Often a single isolated situation might affect some habits of sound production in an instant - like being made fun of for laughing like a donkey. Yet most commonly or generally rather the changes can be classified as being age-related. So have you paid any attention to that? Do you practice speaking so as to choose a pitch or a timbre you like? If not, then try it. And give some thought to the vocabulary you use because speaking beautifully matters a lot...
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Enduring aberrancy & Spirits and all that jazz
Sometimes you adapt to certain systems or values which never change and are mostly equilibrated and reliable. It can can be the customs or manners in certain places or the simple facts you know like that the sun is too bright and the water wet. These are all systems.
Every person is a separate system of habits, looks, viewpoints and what not... Also, everyone has a certain affinity for systems of suitable qualities - by which I mean taste. Thus a system of numerous pertinent merits has a high chance of receiving endorsement and drawing the attention of the system defined be these preferences. Affection takes the stage...
But what if a character of such high-quality values happens to be blemished by one random aberration? If you have ever seen a beautiful girl in a beautiful dress wearing sneakers! then you know what I mean. Its those little things that matter. People say little, but they should use the word "big" more often. Things like a lovely face with an ugly scar or a beautiful scar on a face unmatched in peculiarity. There are just some details that ruin the whole thing, be it a person or a dress or a gathering, a ball. Some things cannot be ignored...
What a waste of good things....
Aura, spiritual awareness, souls and all that does not exist and I find such insanity or misinterpreting of situations, as is believing in these kind of things, just sad or laughable at the least. If people really had six senses or ten if accounting for 'all that jazz' then there would also be a calculable amount of plausible explanations and proven theories about them. So far no such things... so I do not believe.
A lot of people however just use these words to add versatility to their speech and speak of them as of a generalization of certain affairs like I did when speaking of an algid aura. Of course what I meant was just a firm posture, hidden emotions, a serene look on the face and other various details varying from general body language to micro-mimicry. I do not dislike the idea of being able to sense something via unknown or mysterious means but... it does not work. At least if we're not taking into account the interesting fact that the complexity of our brains works wonders from time to time...
Every person is a separate system of habits, looks, viewpoints and what not... Also, everyone has a certain affinity for systems of suitable qualities - by which I mean taste. Thus a system of numerous pertinent merits has a high chance of receiving endorsement and drawing the attention of the system defined be these preferences. Affection takes the stage...
But what if a character of such high-quality values happens to be blemished by one random aberration? If you have ever seen a beautiful girl in a beautiful dress wearing sneakers! then you know what I mean. Its those little things that matter. People say little, but they should use the word "big" more often. Things like a lovely face with an ugly scar or a beautiful scar on a face unmatched in peculiarity. There are just some details that ruin the whole thing, be it a person or a dress or a gathering, a ball. Some things cannot be ignored...
What a waste of good things....
Aura, spiritual awareness, souls and all that does not exist and I find such insanity or misinterpreting of situations, as is believing in these kind of things, just sad or laughable at the least. If people really had six senses or ten if accounting for 'all that jazz' then there would also be a calculable amount of plausible explanations and proven theories about them. So far no such things... so I do not believe.
A lot of people however just use these words to add versatility to their speech and speak of them as of a generalization of certain affairs like I did when speaking of an algid aura. Of course what I meant was just a firm posture, hidden emotions, a serene look on the face and other various details varying from general body language to micro-mimicry. I do not dislike the idea of being able to sense something via unknown or mysterious means but... it does not work. At least if we're not taking into account the interesting fact that the complexity of our brains works wonders from time to time...
Monday, September 27, 2010
Radicalism in common & Aggression and protection
Everyone is special in some way - some are more, some less but the majority falls within a certain curve of low-value specialness. Then there are those, who are immensely special - those one of a kind, new, really thrilling... people: the devils, the saints, the bright and the dim-witted. Oh,how rare they actually are. With rarity or with radical differences in that persons mindset comes loneliness however and that is unavoidable. But most things come in pairs, or groups, or in bunches of "not alone". So what if two radical allies meet?
I am not the really-really radical type, but there's some radicalism everywhere. Being radically obsessed, or inclined towards certain habits is a sign of it and I am all that...
Speaking of obsession - it's the most fun thing in the world, and I mean that. Gives you so much to do or to deal with, depending on whether you are obsessed or someone is obsessed with you.
Creeping, sneaking and stalking is fascinating...
The way of using aggression as defense is most widely known and often spoken of, even if in the following also widely known words: "Offense is the best defense." I agree, but could defense also be a good offense as in passive aggressive behaviour? I'm in favour analytical offensive stance whenever I get the chance and observation-based defense at any point in time. What I use that for depends solely on the instances I find myself in...
Is this hardly a topic of everyday life? Doesn't that sound like some utterance about chess?
Well No! I think your chosen way of executing things matters anywhere anytime.
So, what is your style of play?
I am not the really-really radical type, but there's some radicalism everywhere. Being radically obsessed, or inclined towards certain habits is a sign of it and I am all that...
Speaking of obsession - it's the most fun thing in the world, and I mean that. Gives you so much to do or to deal with, depending on whether you are obsessed or someone is obsessed with you.
Creeping, sneaking and stalking is fascinating...
The way of using aggression as defense is most widely known and often spoken of, even if in the following also widely known words: "Offense is the best defense." I agree, but could defense also be a good offense as in passive aggressive behaviour? I'm in favour analytical offensive stance whenever I get the chance and observation-based defense at any point in time. What I use that for depends solely on the instances I find myself in...
Is this hardly a topic of everyday life? Doesn't that sound like some utterance about chess?
Well No! I think your chosen way of executing things matters anywhere anytime.
So, what is your style of play?
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Darksome games & Tiredness, sleep, revival
I've always considered psychology, mental acuity, hypnosis and suggestion the greatest power, the source of all evil, the key to greater good. I have no education in that field but to a certain extent.. it is easy.. with experience it can be done that is...
Women are quite good at it, they have a knack for such skills, right? Wrong! Its just that men are generally really bad at this. So the trend favors women to be the bearers of these talents. Not everybody is like that though and wisdom comes with age only. So this is where the fun part starts.
Playing games with the ones who are not ready or able to anticipate such invasion of thoughts seems like a fun idea, does it not?
How often have you used the phrase "I knew it!"? Well there's you using what skills you have and foreseeing some actions of others. Often you lack the courage or the belief in the correctness of your deduction, often you are right however. Sometimes I wonder how can people be so unobservant to not notice obvious things like certain feelings and relations between people, the lies that they tell. I am not saying I am any good at this, but... at least I try - few do really.
Being as inconstant, as mercurial as I am I grow a disliking to everything sooner or later. I get tired and crave for enhancements, improvements; for newness and innovative solutions...
This might get me far one day...
As growing tired is nothing near to being tired it thus can not be overcome by sleep, can it? Well in a sense it can... if the sleeper is not you, but the thing you are tired of, or the part of you which grew tired of it, the only part which is aware of it's existence. One day you can play the prince and the princess then and awaken your interest in a subject from that long, long sleep.
But think not I am speaking of putting a toy aside and finding it later, for this would be a common thing to do, a pattern of behaviour we all are aware of. I'm talking about exile... the banishment of your own thoughts, the parts you claim be your very essence...
Warping and remodeling the thing, some people would call... the soul.
Women are quite good at it, they have a knack for such skills, right? Wrong! Its just that men are generally really bad at this. So the trend favors women to be the bearers of these talents. Not everybody is like that though and wisdom comes with age only. So this is where the fun part starts.
Playing games with the ones who are not ready or able to anticipate such invasion of thoughts seems like a fun idea, does it not?
How often have you used the phrase "I knew it!"? Well there's you using what skills you have and foreseeing some actions of others. Often you lack the courage or the belief in the correctness of your deduction, often you are right however. Sometimes I wonder how can people be so unobservant to not notice obvious things like certain feelings and relations between people, the lies that they tell. I am not saying I am any good at this, but... at least I try - few do really.
Being as inconstant, as mercurial as I am I grow a disliking to everything sooner or later. I get tired and crave for enhancements, improvements; for newness and innovative solutions...
This might get me far one day...
As growing tired is nothing near to being tired it thus can not be overcome by sleep, can it? Well in a sense it can... if the sleeper is not you, but the thing you are tired of, or the part of you which grew tired of it, the only part which is aware of it's existence. One day you can play the prince and the princess then and awaken your interest in a subject from that long, long sleep.
But think not I am speaking of putting a toy aside and finding it later, for this would be a common thing to do, a pattern of behaviour we all are aware of. I'm talking about exile... the banishment of your own thoughts, the parts you claim be your very essence...
Warping and remodeling the thing, some people would call... the soul.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
GeneCo. & The emperor of scent
Maggots! Vermin!
You want the world for nothing
Commence your groveling
Rotti your king is dying
Even Rotti Largo
cannot prevent this passing
Who will inherit GeneCo?
I'll keep those vultures guessing
Ashes
Dust
My children are a bust
They shall inherit nothing, no...
My legacy is too great to throw away on ingrates.
Nathan Wallace had potential... till he stole my Marni away!
In denial, Nathan blamed himself for Marni's sudden death
And never once thought to suspect the man who wrote his checks!
I guess... I'll take it to my death!
I'll take it
To
My
Death
You want the world for nothing
Commence your groveling
Rotti your king is dying
Even Rotti Largo
cannot prevent this passing
Who will inherit GeneCo?
I'll keep those vultures guessing
Ashes
Dust
My children are a bust
They shall inherit nothing, no...
My legacy is too great to throw away on ingrates.
Nathan Wallace had potential... till he stole my Marni away!
In denial, Nathan blamed himself for Marni's sudden death
And never once thought to suspect the man who wrote his checks!
I guess... I'll take it to my death!
I'll take it
To
My
Death
The Emperor of Scent by Chandler Burr...
...a great book...
...a great book...
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Naturalness & Algid aura
Who has not heard of "Secret", the popular book which is loved and made fun of equally. It has some truth in it however and here's what I mean.
One is really able to alter things in one's favour by the mere power of thought. That is how placebos work. And the quality of the thought is directly related to the quality of the outcome. So when you are a good thinker with endurance and devotion, you can do practically whatever you please with yourself. I do not think much of being who you are. I am more the "be who you want to be" type.
That said, it is obvious that I am not a product of uncontrolled natural growth, but rather a reflection of strictly controlled habits and fixed focuses. How is it not natural then if its me who decides on these matters? Well I think it is the fact that I've practiced rigorous self control and restricted myself in various ways as well as exiled the word "fun" for years. And this is why its not natural to be the way I am. But no I'm not special in that regard... just happy about it.
Algid aura - its like wearing glasses. If you have them, I will like you almost automatically. The cold air around people who do not blind me with their luscious warmth is alluring - like glasses.
Wear glasses... and if you don't mind... hold your breath... as long... as you can.
One is really able to alter things in one's favour by the mere power of thought. That is how placebos work. And the quality of the thought is directly related to the quality of the outcome. So when you are a good thinker with endurance and devotion, you can do practically whatever you please with yourself. I do not think much of being who you are. I am more the "be who you want to be" type.
That said, it is obvious that I am not a product of uncontrolled natural growth, but rather a reflection of strictly controlled habits and fixed focuses. How is it not natural then if its me who decides on these matters? Well I think it is the fact that I've practiced rigorous self control and restricted myself in various ways as well as exiled the word "fun" for years. And this is why its not natural to be the way I am. But no I'm not special in that regard... just happy about it.
Algid aura - its like wearing glasses. If you have them, I will like you almost automatically. The cold air around people who do not blind me with their luscious warmth is alluring - like glasses.
Wear glasses... and if you don't mind... hold your breath... as long... as you can.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Immediately in maculate harmony & Drawing closer
A flock of birds of many kind
gathered around the dwarfs the other day.
There was the swan, the gull, the parrot
and even young alouette found the way.
However the were some more...
There was a penguin, a gander I glimpsed
a crane, a turkey, a hen and a bullfinch.
They flew around in great delight,
The swan was first to get out of sight.
No dormant wall can stand in place and still veil the things behind it if eyes, unbound, travel everywhere around, peeking and seeking and slowly overcoming the fear of unawareness, tapping on the barrier, testing the water. The water is not as cold as they thought, pleasantly chilly rather. But let not down your guard, the water is deep. It will be the place where you drown, or the place where you want to swim never more . The floor of the lake is mantled with broken stones - there is no room for your steps to be stepped in there. I can not be sure you will get cut. That you wont get cut however, I cannot be sure of either. What I am sure of is your imminent return to the shore.
But tell me, why is it you can't even read an open book?
gathered around the dwarfs the other day.
There was the swan, the gull, the parrot
and even young alouette found the way.
However the were some more...
There was a penguin, a gander I glimpsed
a crane, a turkey, a hen and a bullfinch.
They flew around in great delight,
The swan was first to get out of sight.
No dormant wall can stand in place and still veil the things behind it if eyes, unbound, travel everywhere around, peeking and seeking and slowly overcoming the fear of unawareness, tapping on the barrier, testing the water. The water is not as cold as they thought, pleasantly chilly rather. But let not down your guard, the water is deep. It will be the place where you drown, or the place where you want to swim never more . The floor of the lake is mantled with broken stones - there is no room for your steps to be stepped in there. I can not be sure you will get cut. That you wont get cut however, I cannot be sure of either. What I am sure of is your imminent return to the shore.
But tell me, why is it you can't even read an open book?
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Striking poses & Silent postures
Sebastian, the demon, had a habit to strike strikingly striking poses from time to time...
What a lovely idea to spend some time each day to look as dashing as you can. But nothing fake -
poses must be acted out accordingly. Straighten your clothes, your hair; find a suitable place; carefully select the little features you add to your even more carefully selected pose.
Preferably consult a mirror beforehand. You may even want to plan ahead and dress accordingly to acchieve a pose of greater effect.
Think on the thought you want to transmit, the 'aura' you create. It must ideally ooze out of
every single one of your features, of your lineaments. Do it somewhere you are sure to be seen and pose only to people who you think are able to appreciate your efforts. Different crowds require a different kind of approach - thus different poses are needed. Use commonly known symbols to send messages about yourself but treat stacking up clichés like fire - very carefully. There are some good books on body language to help you with that.
Avoid eye contact with your victims unless its unavoidable or necessary - catching your eyes will divert their attention and often force them to shy away. If you are sure a devilish or sweet peek will enhance your performance however, then use it with confidence.
Its good to have comfortable poses but remember that even if they are painful, or twisting your anatomy to the brink even... it is worth it most of the times.
Today we had two entirely different people, who were late, walk in on the lecturer. One of them entered from across the room like a stampede of big animals - treading indifferently and having his attitude speak out loud: "I am here!" The other one entered from behind me. I hardly heard her coming. Silently and shyly she entered and took a seat telling me: "I am not here".
What I really heard in the first case was: "I am so unimportant! Please look at me!"
And in the second case I heard: "I am a really fascinating person but so are many...
why make a ruckus?"
People are so different...
What a lovely idea to spend some time each day to look as dashing as you can. But nothing fake -
poses must be acted out accordingly. Straighten your clothes, your hair; find a suitable place; carefully select the little features you add to your even more carefully selected pose.
Preferably consult a mirror beforehand. You may even want to plan ahead and dress accordingly to acchieve a pose of greater effect.
Think on the thought you want to transmit, the 'aura' you create. It must ideally ooze out of
every single one of your features, of your lineaments. Do it somewhere you are sure to be seen and pose only to people who you think are able to appreciate your efforts. Different crowds require a different kind of approach - thus different poses are needed. Use commonly known symbols to send messages about yourself but treat stacking up clichés like fire - very carefully. There are some good books on body language to help you with that.
Avoid eye contact with your victims unless its unavoidable or necessary - catching your eyes will divert their attention and often force them to shy away. If you are sure a devilish or sweet peek will enhance your performance however, then use it with confidence.
Its good to have comfortable poses but remember that even if they are painful, or twisting your anatomy to the brink even... it is worth it most of the times.
Today we had two entirely different people, who were late, walk in on the lecturer. One of them entered from across the room like a stampede of big animals - treading indifferently and having his attitude speak out loud: "I am here!" The other one entered from behind me. I hardly heard her coming. Silently and shyly she entered and took a seat telling me: "I am not here".
What I really heard in the first case was: "I am so unimportant! Please look at me!"
And in the second case I heard: "I am a really fascinating person but so are many...
why make a ruckus?"
People are so different...
Monday, September 20, 2010
Inhaling to agony & Shadow to sanctuary
Some people seem to have a very weak and ineffective sense of smell, for they can bear wearing odours of unimaginable sweetness or too great of an amount of normal ones. It is not alluring nor attractive in any possible way, dear people of undeveloped sensing powers... It is revolting, hideous and it is killing me. (literally and not literally, as in funny, as well.) Oh but what poor humor it is... I can hardly breathe in the vicinity of such fruit party. Who had thought dying in a garden of roses could be so unromantic...
Every person must have a place where he or she feels safest, most protected, most confident.
A cocoon, a warm place where you can hide and be sure that no one can inflict harm upon you, even if it is so only in your mind. It might be a room.. your bed - everybody feels safe and cozy in their bed, do they not? I regard darkness as my recourse, my asylum and I am certainly not the only one to do so. Not even darkness... dim light is just fine. Oh, how I love how the shadows play with my lineaments, how I meld right in, how I can glide so serenely within - my sanctuary.
Every person must have a place where he or she feels safest, most protected, most confident.
A cocoon, a warm place where you can hide and be sure that no one can inflict harm upon you, even if it is so only in your mind. It might be a room.. your bed - everybody feels safe and cozy in their bed, do they not? I regard darkness as my recourse, my asylum and I am certainly not the only one to do so. Not even darkness... dim light is just fine. Oh, how I love how the shadows play with my lineaments, how I meld right in, how I can glide so serenely within - my sanctuary.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Shame on you & The view from my bedroom
Shame on you
if you drink too much.
If you care not enough.
If you dare to do stuff
that makes you a fool,
a mere tool of your lust.
If you trust not your mind
but the impulse of your kind
fellow, shallow, narrow-minded
falsely guided friends who will
bind you to the comfortable light
and blind you in the darkness.
If you know no bounds
and behave like you were
the abnormal sounds
an imbecile makes
if stabbed and beaten
and burned on the stake.
if you drink too much.
If you care not enough.
If you dare to do stuff
that makes you a fool,
a mere tool of your lust.
If you trust not your mind
but the impulse of your kind
fellow, shallow, narrow-minded
falsely guided friends who will
bind you to the comfortable light
and blind you in the darkness.
If you know no bounds
and behave like you were
the abnormal sounds
an imbecile makes
if stabbed and beaten
and burned on the stake.
The view is so pleasant...
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Gold & Confinement
My preference in taste seems to shift so swiftly it is impossible to keep track of. One day I think of gold as something for the arrogant and the following day I change my opinion to what favors gold as the ideal addition to my bedroom. It might have been the influence of "Kuroshitsuji"
If you have not seen it I strongly recommend you to watch it. It is classy, beautiful, dark and then there is Sebastian...
who is a demon.
Do you sometimes love something so much you end up hurting the beloved object or person?
Like obsessed you cling to it, or her, or him and swear you'll never let go. Its a common cliché of movies or stories - where the characters speak about loving someone deeply enough to let go.
Few do however in real life...
I wonder, do you not find, as I do, that a prison like that, even if selfish, has even more value besides supplying you with the comfort of knowing your beloved is never far? Does it not also give you the illusion of power? The power to bind the very soul of your great love, to warp minds to suit your own egoistic will. How do you even dare to love like that? Many tell me they will never trust or commit themselves to something they are not fully knowledgeable or aware of...
Then tell me, kind people - what is love?
Do you view it as a paradise for the mind or a loss of all common sense? Is it always more beneficial than harmful? Who knows...
If you have not seen it I strongly recommend you to watch it. It is classy, beautiful, dark and then there is Sebastian...
who is a demon.
Do you sometimes love something so much you end up hurting the beloved object or person?
Like obsessed you cling to it, or her, or him and swear you'll never let go. Its a common cliché of movies or stories - where the characters speak about loving someone deeply enough to let go.
Few do however in real life...
I wonder, do you not find, as I do, that a prison like that, even if selfish, has even more value besides supplying you with the comfort of knowing your beloved is never far? Does it not also give you the illusion of power? The power to bind the very soul of your great love, to warp minds to suit your own egoistic will. How do you even dare to love like that? Many tell me they will never trust or commit themselves to something they are not fully knowledgeable or aware of...
Then tell me, kind people - what is love?
Do you view it as a paradise for the mind or a loss of all common sense? Is it always more beneficial than harmful? Who knows...
Friday, September 17, 2010
Nihilistic - Narcissistic & Hive mind
Religion plays a huge part in what we develop to be like. However, it is a topic of vast amounts of variables, its boundless rather, and I don't really want to start investigating it thoroughly. Generally if you don't believe in gods you don't believe in afterlife as well. I know there are plenty of people who do believe in either one of these or both, but they do not really concern me. I do neither and I am in no way worried about the world. Believing that life has no meaning does not lead to depression. Who came up with that idea? I know I'm not truly nihilistic but also not very far off. Being able not to worry is just about the best thing a human can wish for. And to be able to neglect the need for compassion, love and whatever else is true perfection of the mind.
I don't have any reason to dislike religion and its outcomes. It has been beneficial in many ways. Yet what I've come to believe in, has fortunately been my own decision and forgive me believers when I say: "I am superior to you"
I'm not a bad person: I am well-mannered and nice and all... Me pursuing nihilism, as a positive quality, is what distinguishes us and makes me greater, even if only in my own eyes.
And yes, I am also narcissistic, as indicated be the prior thoughts.
But even that is a good quality.
There's a really huge amount of people we 'weird people' like to call the grey mass. People with a psychological disorder called groupthink. Groupthink is a type of thought within a deeply cohesive in-group whose members try to minimize conflict and reach consensus without critically testing, analyzing and evaluating ideas. The 'individual' in such a group avoids conflict and differentiating at all costs so as to fit in as a member. And this effect does not only apply to small groups, but for entire generations and masses connected via a social network within huge areas.
Individual creativity, uniqueness, and independent thinking are lost in the pursuit of group cohesiveness, as are the advantages of reasonable balance in choice and thought that might normally be obtained. We see it and we make fun of it. In reality its really sad. Some call the human life sacred... well I call us insects.
I don't have any reason to dislike religion and its outcomes. It has been beneficial in many ways. Yet what I've come to believe in, has fortunately been my own decision and forgive me believers when I say: "I am superior to you"
I'm not a bad person: I am well-mannered and nice and all... Me pursuing nihilism, as a positive quality, is what distinguishes us and makes me greater, even if only in my own eyes.
And yes, I am also narcissistic, as indicated be the prior thoughts.
But even that is a good quality.
There's a really huge amount of people we 'weird people' like to call the grey mass. People with a psychological disorder called groupthink. Groupthink is a type of thought within a deeply cohesive in-group whose members try to minimize conflict and reach consensus without critically testing, analyzing and evaluating ideas. The 'individual' in such a group avoids conflict and differentiating at all costs so as to fit in as a member. And this effect does not only apply to small groups, but for entire generations and masses connected via a social network within huge areas.
Individual creativity, uniqueness, and independent thinking are lost in the pursuit of group cohesiveness, as are the advantages of reasonable balance in choice and thought that might normally be obtained. We see it and we make fun of it. In reality its really sad. Some call the human life sacred... well I call us insects.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Oni wa uchi & The comprehensive guide
I change a lot - you could say I am inconsistent. I've tried a thousand hobbies, many activities, numerous hair colours and I will never stop - its in my nature. What really matters is I also change my personality over time, or from time to time. I've become more of a socialist lately. (hardly) I smile and talk and all that...
I guess it is easier like that for the people around me. Maybe it is even easier for me? No, I cannot agree with that. I talk with my eyes, with my presence.. I won't go easy on people by succumbing to their standards of social behaviour. Why have I gone so far with this metamorphosis? Time to turn back. All I've gained from this is general public acceptance. Do I need it? No!
Personality is a matter of balance. Even if self control is of utmost importance to me, even I can't forgo some compensatory exigencies of joy. Once done with these however... trust me if I say I'm a good liar!
When dealing with me there are a few misconceptions you can make. But I am very generous and forthcoming in that regard so here I have for you: The comprehensive guide to talking to me and understanding the gist of my facial expressions.
When I smile:
1) I like/love/tolerate you.
2) I don't like you at all.
3) You did something inconceivably hilarious.
4) I'm thinking of something that makes me smile and you don't concern me at all.
5) I'm about to do something malicious, deceptive or evil.
When I don't smile:
1) I'm really happy.
2) I'm thinking interesting thoughts.
3) I am observing you.
4) You make me envious.
5) I am indifferently minding my own business.
When I squint:
1) The light is too bright and I expect you to make it go away.
2) I'm trying to look more Japanese.
3) I got a really good idea.
4) I am enjoying your appearance to the most.
5) I am thinking.
It is not really as easy as that but at least you learned something. I hope this was helpful to you and you can now understand and read my expressions more effortlessly.
I guess it is easier like that for the people around me. Maybe it is even easier for me? No, I cannot agree with that. I talk with my eyes, with my presence.. I won't go easy on people by succumbing to their standards of social behaviour. Why have I gone so far with this metamorphosis? Time to turn back. All I've gained from this is general public acceptance. Do I need it? No!
Personality is a matter of balance. Even if self control is of utmost importance to me, even I can't forgo some compensatory exigencies of joy. Once done with these however... trust me if I say I'm a good liar!
When dealing with me there are a few misconceptions you can make. But I am very generous and forthcoming in that regard so here I have for you: The comprehensive guide to talking to me and understanding the gist of my facial expressions.
When I smile:
1) I like/love/tolerate you.
2) I don't like you at all.
3) You did something inconceivably hilarious.
4) I'm thinking of something that makes me smile and you don't concern me at all.
5) I'm about to do something malicious, deceptive or evil.
When I don't smile:
1) I'm really happy.
2) I'm thinking interesting thoughts.
3) I am observing you.
4) You make me envious.
5) I am indifferently minding my own business.
When I squint:
1) The light is too bright and I expect you to make it go away.
2) I'm trying to look more Japanese.
3) I got a really good idea.
4) I am enjoying your appearance to the most.
5) I am thinking.
It is not really as easy as that but at least you learned something. I hope this was helpful to you and you can now understand and read my expressions more effortlessly.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Standing out & Experimentalism
Wherever I go I notice people looking at me. Some just peek, some stare, some even scan me from head to toe.. and I wonder. What do they think of me? Am I good-looking to them, or just strange? I hope not awkward or ugly. Sure, they are strangers to me, why would I care? But I get this uneasy feeling. I need a mirror to walk my side.
I like to dress, oh how I do! Shirts and scarves, parasols and shoes. I guess that draws attention. Vanity notwithstanding, with people looking at me I get the feeling I lack something. I am no one to 'be looked at'. People should look at other people.
At people who are more beautiful than I am - like poetry.
I only look at beautiful people. 'Interesting' is not enough of a reason to keep my eyes on something that isn't beautiful, for more than a few seconds. So why look at me? Can I conclude I am beautiful? Oh how I like it... look at me then, please do. But only if you really agree with that. Uneasiness is quick to come.
Coffee mixed with chamomile tea? Unboiled spaghetti with peppermint, vanilla and honey? These are few of the things I've spontaneously tried and loved. Many times I end up failing to create edible or otherwise consumable matter. Sometimes I succeed however and end up promoting my findings to others. Oh how I love those expressions I get.
"You eat what?"
"I said you should try putting peppermint tincture on..."
"I heard what you said.. I mean.. is it edible? Doesn't that like.. explode?"
Experts of that field can constantly produce crazy ideas to sell to companies. I like the scent of almond... good work. But moisturizing soap that leads to total desertification of my skin is a pest.
They should hire crazy people with a doctor's degree in chemistry or biology.
I like to dress, oh how I do! Shirts and scarves, parasols and shoes. I guess that draws attention. Vanity notwithstanding, with people looking at me I get the feeling I lack something. I am no one to 'be looked at'. People should look at other people.
At people who are more beautiful than I am - like poetry.
I only look at beautiful people. 'Interesting' is not enough of a reason to keep my eyes on something that isn't beautiful, for more than a few seconds. So why look at me? Can I conclude I am beautiful? Oh how I like it... look at me then, please do. But only if you really agree with that. Uneasiness is quick to come.
Coffee mixed with chamomile tea? Unboiled spaghetti with peppermint, vanilla and honey? These are few of the things I've spontaneously tried and loved. Many times I end up failing to create edible or otherwise consumable matter. Sometimes I succeed however and end up promoting my findings to others. Oh how I love those expressions I get.
"You eat what?"
"I said you should try putting peppermint tincture on..."
"I heard what you said.. I mean.. is it edible? Doesn't that like.. explode?"
Experts of that field can constantly produce crazy ideas to sell to companies. I like the scent of almond... good work. But moisturizing soap that leads to total desertification of my skin is a pest.
They should hire crazy people with a doctor's degree in chemistry or biology.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Elysian times & Lacklustre eyes
Life seems great and I feel rather happy. A lot of things are to my liking and everything has gone well so far. There is but one disaster about to strike and even that doesn't really bother me for now. I can do things I enjoy doing. I'm in control.... I think I will meet people, that I really want to meet, more often from now on. I have time to spend... time in elysium. I think the best years of my life lay ahead...
Today, on the bus, as I was headed for town, I saw a man of venerable age. His hair was white, his skin rough and dried up, he wore clothes only old people wear.. and his eyes... his eyes were those of a deceased one. Grey, inconspicuous - not a bit of life nor shine did these eyes have...
He looked at me with his vision clouded, like through a haze really, and I just looked back at him and thought: "Death is beautiful..."
Today, on the bus, as I was headed for town, I saw a man of venerable age. His hair was white, his skin rough and dried up, he wore clothes only old people wear.. and his eyes... his eyes were those of a deceased one. Grey, inconspicuous - not a bit of life nor shine did these eyes have...
He looked at me with his vision clouded, like through a haze really, and I just looked back at him and thought: "Death is beautiful..."
Monday, September 13, 2010
Ravishingly kind & Perfect strangers
Once upon a time on a miserable day
a stranger emerged from the haze and passed my way.
"Hello!" said the stranger. I did not reply.
He kept on going so I gave him a"Why?"
"Why not..." he told me in return
".. and how are you doing kind sir?"
"There, there...
How rude of you! You do not reply to a question with one of your own!
Now please carry on kind stranger and leave me alone!"
There are many kind people around. Steadily happy and satisfied with the world, they carry on caring and sharing the kindness within them. And then I ask.. How annoying can you get?
But it's not you kind stranger, it is me... indeed. I do not blame you for happiness and kindness.
Of course I always do for naivety, but in any case: You are what I hate.
You frighten me kind stranger, you are a demon in my eyes. I did not ask you to come, so don't!
Do not intrude! I will shy away, you won't open me up - it is up to me to let you in. It is up to me to take your kindness and corrupt it, cast disease upon it, upon you! Diabolically I could take your strength and turn it to weakness, yet in truth I am the sheep and you are the wolf.
But then again... it is up to me you let you in...
and one day...
I just might.
Every once in a while you will lay your eyes on a person of unimaginable beauty, of class and style beyond normal, of qualities 'godlike', of character that melts you right away - like a candle.
Sometimes you stop and gasp for air trying to observe as best as you can, sometimes you carry on walking and think: "Did I just see a Greek godess, a god?"
Of course you did not, but you felt so enriched, staggered, stolen of your thoughts and blown away, that you might just as well consider having seen one walk the earth. Envy starts creeping up to you. Often it is just a beautiful crust you see. Often the light hits him or her at the right angle. You wouldn't dare trying to talk to him or her. You'd regret not doing it.
What do you do?
Perfectness is not real and once you get to meet someone like that in person you will start unveiling the demerits and imperfections, as little or unimportant, or as stunning and horrible as they can be. Sometimes you two might suit each other well - how great would that be!
But sometimes it is best to leave him or her be, not to ruin the image of your perfect stranger.
a stranger emerged from the haze and passed my way.
"Hello!" said the stranger. I did not reply.
He kept on going so I gave him a"Why?"
"Why not..." he told me in return
".. and how are you doing kind sir?"
"There, there...
How rude of you! You do not reply to a question with one of your own!
Now please carry on kind stranger and leave me alone!"
There are many kind people around. Steadily happy and satisfied with the world, they carry on caring and sharing the kindness within them. And then I ask.. How annoying can you get?
But it's not you kind stranger, it is me... indeed. I do not blame you for happiness and kindness.
Of course I always do for naivety, but in any case: You are what I hate.
You frighten me kind stranger, you are a demon in my eyes. I did not ask you to come, so don't!
Do not intrude! I will shy away, you won't open me up - it is up to me to let you in. It is up to me to take your kindness and corrupt it, cast disease upon it, upon you! Diabolically I could take your strength and turn it to weakness, yet in truth I am the sheep and you are the wolf.
But then again... it is up to me you let you in...
and one day...
I just might.
Every once in a while you will lay your eyes on a person of unimaginable beauty, of class and style beyond normal, of qualities 'godlike', of character that melts you right away - like a candle.
Sometimes you stop and gasp for air trying to observe as best as you can, sometimes you carry on walking and think: "Did I just see a Greek godess, a god?"
Of course you did not, but you felt so enriched, staggered, stolen of your thoughts and blown away, that you might just as well consider having seen one walk the earth. Envy starts creeping up to you. Often it is just a beautiful crust you see. Often the light hits him or her at the right angle. You wouldn't dare trying to talk to him or her. You'd regret not doing it.
What do you do?
Perfectness is not real and once you get to meet someone like that in person you will start unveiling the demerits and imperfections, as little or unimportant, or as stunning and horrible as they can be. Sometimes you two might suit each other well - how great would that be!
But sometimes it is best to leave him or her be, not to ruin the image of your perfect stranger.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Born an heir & I am a thief
"...ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country." J.F.Kennedy
I'm not proud I am an Estonian. National pride is illogical from its very core, as was so humorously pointed out by the late George Carlin. How can you be proud of something that happened by chance? You could have also been born Indian or Chinese. You don't take pride in being the gender you are, a thing that happened by chance, nor in the fact that you happened to have siblings, which is also something that happened by chance.
Cultural values belong to the culture, not it's heirs. And being bound to carry, with regard to your country, the traditions you inherited, is nothing short of a cretin obligation which I choose not to follow.
I submit myself to thievery and the subterfuge that follows. I like to strip sacred things of their sanctity and pride and make holy land seem nothing more than common ground. Things with made up deeper meaning are of no worth to me. And the reason for my public treason? Well ask the blinded eggs who do not see... true values.
It's not like materialism is my basis for such behaviour. Even I can look for meaning deep beyond. But why would I ever cast my virtues aside, like so many do, for worthless bits of malformations, when the true meaning of things, the one more pure, lies in the beauty and in the soul.
I'm not proud I am an Estonian. National pride is illogical from its very core, as was so humorously pointed out by the late George Carlin. How can you be proud of something that happened by chance? You could have also been born Indian or Chinese. You don't take pride in being the gender you are, a thing that happened by chance, nor in the fact that you happened to have siblings, which is also something that happened by chance.
Cultural values belong to the culture, not it's heirs. And being bound to carry, with regard to your country, the traditions you inherited, is nothing short of a cretin obligation which I choose not to follow.
I submit myself to thievery and the subterfuge that follows. I like to strip sacred things of their sanctity and pride and make holy land seem nothing more than common ground. Things with made up deeper meaning are of no worth to me. And the reason for my public treason? Well ask the blinded eggs who do not see... true values.
It's not like materialism is my basis for such behaviour. Even I can look for meaning deep beyond. But why would I ever cast my virtues aside, like so many do, for worthless bits of malformations, when the true meaning of things, the one more pure, lies in the beauty and in the soul.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
All for one & One for all
How often does it happen you try, in wild anticipation, to prepare for something great, making sure everything is perfect once the time has come? Rare occasions... I love these. I love setting every flower straight, smearing "no.1's" on my face, picking outfits for hours and making sure the tea is flavoured just right. Rarity notwithstanding, I'm accustomed to doing exactly that, be the occasion a grand ball, a simple lecture or a gathering in what we can call the European version of a "stone garden". By the way I also love singing in such stone gardens.
How often do you reach for grandness beyond imagination?
I do it every day.
Giving is indeed an act 'heart-warming', no doubt. It takes more effort to forgo items valued most but even that I have done... What I never want and never will do is similar to 'giving' but unlike anything else that can be done. Giving up my position, whatever it may be like, to have someone else take the credit, and taking his or her position, accepting all the fire and blame that comes with it - effectively becoming the sacrifice, the martyr.
Actually I lied...
I'd gladly do something as great as that for my friends...
In any case, it's just one of those things that seems rather unpleasant but still makes you think: "Why not?" Why not be a lying angel of happiness. Lies can brighten the world of others. Yet again, no proper 'ego' would allow such behaviour.
How often do you reach for grandness beyond imagination?
I do it every day.
Giving is indeed an act 'heart-warming', no doubt. It takes more effort to forgo items valued most but even that I have done... What I never want and never will do is similar to 'giving' but unlike anything else that can be done. Giving up my position, whatever it may be like, to have someone else take the credit, and taking his or her position, accepting all the fire and blame that comes with it - effectively becoming the sacrifice, the martyr.
Actually I lied...
I'd gladly do something as great as that for my friends...
In any case, it's just one of those things that seems rather unpleasant but still makes you think: "Why not?" Why not be a lying angel of happiness. Lies can brighten the world of others. Yet again, no proper 'ego' would allow such behaviour.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Cantus Firmus & Do you not hate poetry?
How much singularity and uniqueness is there left in this world? When you hear a tune tune you can bet your head when claiming it be unoriginal. Not a lot can be done to improve on that matter. Some ideas 'liberal' will be quenched before being listened to for their unacceptable queerness. What do you live for? Is it really your own wish or are you just forced to go with whatever works best for you?
I wonder, I wonder.. am I the only one seeking to unveil the world beyond that plebeian humane crust? Surely not... Step forth, whores of Babylon.
Do you not hate Poetry for it is more perfect, more beautiful than you?
I know I do. Oh Poetry I am envious of you.
Although, dear Poetry, I must admit I think you are a slut.
It seems to me, that every man uses you as he sees fit.
I know you hang around with girls as well, but I can tell -
you like men more. You obviously are a whore.
You like to stay in bed with me at nights.
But why is it you hide under my pillow while I’m gone?
A strange habit, don’t you think?
Do you mind being written in ink? What is your favourite colour? It is white I think but... Nevertheless, I will write you in black for you are more beautiful than I am
and I hate you.
I have always imagined you are a lady in a fancy dress.
Does it turn you on when I unbutton my shirt?
You’d make an ideal lover I guess.
My dear lady, would it hurt if I stabbed you with a knife?
If I drunk your blood, would your beauty reflect in my face?
In the end I’d be unable to take your life.
Not that I wouldn’t if I could.
But dearest if you stay with me, bear in mind
I don’t dislike older women but,
please do not ever tell me your age.
I wonder, I wonder.. am I the only one seeking to unveil the world beyond that plebeian humane crust? Surely not... Step forth, whores of Babylon.
Do you not hate Poetry?
Do you not hate Poetry for it is more perfect, more beautiful than you?
I know I do. Oh Poetry I am envious of you.
Although, dear Poetry, I must admit I think you are a slut.
It seems to me, that every man uses you as he sees fit.
I know you hang around with girls as well, but I can tell -
you like men more. You obviously are a whore.
You like to stay in bed with me at nights.
But why is it you hide under my pillow while I’m gone?
A strange habit, don’t you think?
Do you mind being written in ink? What is your favourite colour? It is white I think but... Nevertheless, I will write you in black for you are more beautiful than I am
and I hate you.
I have always imagined you are a lady in a fancy dress.
Does it turn you on when I unbutton my shirt?
You’d make an ideal lover I guess.
My dear lady, would it hurt if I stabbed you with a knife?
If I drunk your blood, would your beauty reflect in my face?
In the end I’d be unable to take your life.
Not that I wouldn’t if I could.
But dearest if you stay with me, bear in mind
I don’t dislike older women but,
please do not ever tell me your age.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
A day to go & Strangers collide
I do not like waiting so I never do... it's below me. Very simple: If I am tired of summer I don't wait for the winter to come. If i am fed up with people I don't wait for them to leave. I won't even adapt to fit the situation. I just exist in my own little way.
But sometimes I do like to wait. When? Well ask the skyclad marksman of course.
Currently I'm awaiting the end of the opening ceremony... (of what?)
...of my time in Elysium.
If you're going to make a cake you'll have to take some eggs, smash 'em into a bowl and watch 'em mix. But what if the eggs don't like each other? They are eggs they couldn't care less! Obviously this is an analogy... which means you are an egg. Haha I made you be an egg. But think on it...
Do you sometimes collide with strangers and, for no particular reason, make up connections, which do not exist, or consider some proposed connections natural, although they needn't even matter?
If yes, then why?
But sometimes I do like to wait. When? Well ask the skyclad marksman of course.
Currently I'm awaiting the end of the opening ceremony... (of what?)
...of my time in Elysium.
If you're going to make a cake you'll have to take some eggs, smash 'em into a bowl and watch 'em mix. But what if the eggs don't like each other? They are eggs they couldn't care less! Obviously this is an analogy... which means you are an egg. Haha I made you be an egg. But think on it...
Do you sometimes collide with strangers and, for no particular reason, make up connections, which do not exist, or consider some proposed connections natural, although they needn't even matter?
If yes, then why?
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
My wish & The impending cat
Why bother about times which lay far ahead with the present, so eminently, at hand and the future uncertain? Why?
I'm not saying I'm free of concern for time after the past and present but.. Years ago I decided I'd strive for beauty in life - beauty in others, in me, in affairs, in everything. What we seek, we lack, don't we? Yet nothing do I lack more than one thing I've never had but once. What is it? Ask the skyclad marksman... (that was a hint)
Or guess...
Am I really heading towards the end of my current self? Not likely... So no offense dear Lachesis but this time you are wrong. My greatest vice is vanity but not insanity. Why would I give up my one and only, my precious 'presence'?
Horoscopes - I have always been skeptical dealing with such interestingly accurate small prophecies. The general excuse is that they are too abstract, general and self-evident. That might not always be true. However, the common reader of such horoscopes is almost always general and self-evident. If you don't believe me maybe you had better google Derren Brown and his work on that matter. A fascinating subject, I must say...
I'm not saying I'm free of concern for time after the past and present but.. Years ago I decided I'd strive for beauty in life - beauty in others, in me, in affairs, in everything. What we seek, we lack, don't we? Yet nothing do I lack more than one thing I've never had but once. What is it? Ask the skyclad marksman... (that was a hint)
Or guess...
Am I really heading towards the end of my current self? Not likely... So no offense dear Lachesis but this time you are wrong. My greatest vice is vanity but not insanity. Why would I give up my one and only, my precious 'presence'?
Horoscopes - I have always been skeptical dealing with such interestingly accurate small prophecies. The general excuse is that they are too abstract, general and self-evident. That might not always be true. However, the common reader of such horoscopes is almost always general and self-evident. If you don't believe me maybe you had better google Derren Brown and his work on that matter. A fascinating subject, I must say...
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